Is being childless the product of destiny?

By Nina Steele 

When you are childless not by choice and if like me you tried to have children for many years, coming to terms with it requires that you make sense of it all. In my case, the questions ranged from why us? What message is the universe trying to send us? Where do we as a couple go from here? To name but these few. The second question was particularly important in helping me move on. For, one of the reasons, if not the main reason why I was able to come to terms with not having children is spirituality and specifically, the concept of acceptance. I am a firm believer in the idea that our life is the result of both destiny and the choices we make. Let me explain because I am sure that many people see destiny as cancelling out choice. The way I see it is this: when we come into this world, the way our life is going to unfold is already set. Hence the fact that we are inspired to do certain things, our intuition or sixth sense leading us to act in certain ways etc, almost like an invisible hand guiding us through life. Some people choose to listen to these subtle messages, and I am one of those people, while others choose to ignore them. By choosing not to follow the guiding hand of intuition, we create problems for ourselves and end up suffering as a result.

And so, my spiritual beliefs made me realise that not having children was part of my destiny. For, if I was meant to have children, I would have had them! I have no doubt about that. Chasing a dream that was never meant for me in the first place could only result in one thing: suffering. Since I chose to embrace my path as opposed to fighting it, I feel a great deal of peace most of the time. It is a feeling that can only be felt once you start living a life that is in harmony with the whole. I get asked whether at this point in my life, there are times when I feel some sadness at not being a mother and the honest answer is no. Once my mind was made up to move on with my life, I never looked back. My husband always points out how extreme I tend to be once I make up my mind about something and the children issue is no different. Compared to mine, his own transition was far easier since he was never keen on having children to begin with.

I do strongly believe that our childlessness is part of a bigger picture, because nothing in the universe happens by chance. Everything has meaning and it is up to us to trust that the universe knows best. Yes our path may be pre-determined but we still have a choice in how it unfolds. It can unfold beautifully like a flower or our resistance can turn it into a protracted and painful affair.