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If you are one of those lucky people with an overall good life, don’t risk it all by trying to fit in with some of society’s ideals

By Nina Steele 

Black women who are childfreeI was watching a video clip of The Steve Harvey Show the other day. It was one of those segments when he is asked for advice by a member of the audience. In this instance, the audience member seeking advice was a 35-year-old lawyer, who also happened to be single by choice. She was considering entering into a contract with a man to father her child, with the proviso that the man would agree to play no part in the child’s life. Her argument for effectively wanting to become a single mother, was that, in her work as a lawyer, she has witnessed too many cases where, when the relationship goes wrong, it affects the children.

My first thought when I came across her story was to ask why? Why does a successful lawyer, who has chosen to be single, now want a child as a single mother? The only answer I could come up with was that, like many women across the globe, she has bought into the myth that your life is not complete until you’ve had a child. What else could her motives be? Why will anyone even consider becoming a single mother by choice, particularly a woman with a demanding career?

In today’s world, having a good career that also pays well, is not something that should be taken for granted. Here in the UK, not a day goes by without a story or two about people with jobs, who find it so hard to make ends meet, they have recourse to food banks. And then there are the other daily stories of people with good jobs, yet they can only rent, because they can’t afford the deposit needed for them to get on the housing ladder. Everywhere you look, the message is the same. And that message is that, life is getting tougher, and not everyone will end up making it.

With that in mind, you would think that all those who are financially well off, with a life that is beyond the reach of many, would count their blessings, whatever form their life takes. Apparently not. For some people, it seems, the more they have, the more they want. These people ought to understand that as society changes, many of those things that were once considered the norm, are no longer so. Just like owning your own home is no longer a given in many western countries, choosing a path that does not include becoming a parent, is perfectly ok.

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