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Woman says her lack of self-belief has led to her never finding love

By Nina Steele 

Single and childless womenThe woman who is 54, calls herself a “relationship virgin” because she has never had a boyfriend. Also, in an age where sex seems to be everywhere, she has only had it a handful of times. The story caught my attention because it reminded me of a female friend from my university days back in the Ivory Coast. She had all the physical attributes that are considered attractive, yet she thought of herself as anything but, and was unhappily single as a result.

The 54 year old woman said this of her lack of self-belief: “I so doubted myself, and that anyone would fancy me that I wanted anyone who showed an interest to prove that he liked me, to stick around long enough to persuade me. They never did – they just moved on to the next person.” She tried finding love through a dating agency, however, that seem to have made things worse. Of that she says: “it turned out to be one soul-sinking encounter after another with men who were inadequate, unsuitable or both”. She goes on to say: “The dating agency experience was definitely my nadir. After that, I seemed to turn a corner and, over the years, I have become incrementally more and more accepting of my singledom”.

I don’t know what happened to my university friend, as I haven’t seen or heard of her in years. Our friendship fizzled out eventually. I tried everything I could to tell her how great she was, but it all fell on death ears because she couldn’t see it. As far as she was concerned, she wasn’t good enough and of course we are what we believe.

Of course there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. I have written many times about people who have chosen to be single and are getting on with their lives in peace. Being unhappily single however is a different story, particularly when it is as a result of putting yourself down. Issues of confidence are central to our lives because they will determine how everything else pans out. If you don’t believe in yourself, you are likely to settle for situations and people that are not good for you. Most people have been there at some stage in their lives, often in young age and managed to break the cycle. However, when that pattern becomes the story of your life, then you really are in trouble.

The one positive thing about this story apart from the fact that the author is now accepting of her life as a single woman, is the fact that even though most of her friends are mothers, being childless is not mentioned as an issue at all. I applaud her for that.

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