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What do you say to people who ask why? (7 replies)

GemmaRowlands
6 years ago
GemmaRowlands 6 years ago

I am a strong believer of never having to explain your choices to anybody - however at some stage most people without children tire of hearing the same thing over and over again.

How do you explain your choice/situation? Do you feel as though this helps, or would you rather not have to say anything at all?

Personally, I would say that it is an individual choice, and that other people should mind their own business!

Nina
6 years ago
Nina 6 years ago

I am quite outspoken and so telling people why we are unable to have children has never been much of a problem for me. I understand that some people do not feel like sharing such a personal matter with others and this is understandable. There is also an element of shame that some people feel, which again has never been an issue for me. There is no denying that this is a very difficult subject, however my experience is that the more open people are about it the less toxic the subject becomes.

Lucy
6 years ago
Lucy 6 years ago

I'm not really asked why a lot if I'm honest. If I am asked though I'm pretty upfront with the fact that I can no longer have children due to a previous accident.

Nina mentioned above that some can feel shame, this isn't an issue for me. For me I can no longer have children due to no fault of my own, I have no reason to feel shame.

I can understand that it is a sensitive topic and some may not want to explain, others may get sick of explaining. For me it doesn't happen often and I'm not bothered by it.

Julez Fitzmond
6 years ago
Julez Fitzmond 6 years ago

I tell them the truth, usually something along the lines of "I was in a terrible accident at the age of 8 which left me needing lifesaving surgery and as a result of that I can no longer have children and will be reliant on hefty medical intervention for the rest of my life."

They usually just say "oh" and try desperately to change the subject. Over the years, I've started to enjoy seeing people's reactions. If they're nosy enough to ask, they can deal with whatever feelings my answer brings out for them.

eeyorebob
6 years ago
eeyorebob 6 years ago

I avoid the subject - I'm in the feeling shame about it side, as I love kids and want my own, but I cant have any. It depresses me at times and I just try and change the subject (or lie, say that I'm trying, havent met the right man yet etc). I really hate this subject, my family know the reasons I cant have kids and my closest friends also know. Its strangers asking that upset me the most.

Jack
6 years ago
Jack 6 years ago

It astounds me how soceity can be so nosey in a matter which doesn't involve them. Family aren't much better though and have to ask.

I've been subjected to questioning as to why I haven't had children, I quite simply ignore them. I feel it is no one else's business but my own.

Dawn Kells
6 years ago
Dawn Kells 6 years ago

I don't know why people ask things like this. I suppose they're just curious, but they should be able to see that it might be a little bit upsetting to talk about for a number of reasons. I don't like it when people ask personal questions, and a lot of the time I just refuse to talk about them and will then change the subject.

eeyorebob
6 years ago
eeyorebob 6 years ago

I think it comes down to society, people expect others to have children. I don't know why really I don't - just makes things more complicated when people cant or dont want children. I think it's easier for me in a way as I can just say no i cant have them rather than trying to explain why I dont want them - at least for me I dont have to put up with other questions like "why" etc

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