How does it feel to have never been pregnant?

By Nina Steele 

I have never been pregnant, not once! As her only daughter, my mother had her eyes on me as a teenager. She had big dreams for me and her worst nightmare was for me to get pregnant and drop out of school. And so she made sure that it never happened by scaring off all potential boyfriends.

Even so, I ended up dating an older man and on hearing the news, she went completely berserk. She showed up at his place of work, asked to speak to his manager and once in his office, she threw herself to the floor crying. I had no idea all this was happening and only found out when the then boyfriend and his boss turned up at our house a few hours later to apologise to my mother. The relationship ended there and then.

For a time, I hated my mother for it! Looking back now, I can see why she did it of course. She and I had a laugh about it all when she visited us here in UK a few months ago. She felt vindicated that possibly thanks to her I have made something of my life and I must say that I do agree.

I am in no doubt that my mother played a huge part in the fact that unlike 2 of my childhood friends who ended up becoming teenage mothers, I never became pregnant. Had she not been the strict person that she was, things might well have turned out differently.

That I have never been pregnant was at the back of my mind when we started on our journey to conceive. I remember having doubts about whether I could get pregnant at all. Finally, the many tests that we had to have when we started fertility treatment showed that I was fine. That was a relief. All the doubts I carried all these years had been put to rest. Of course I ended up never getting pregnant anyway!

Having thought about this issue many times, it has reinforced my view that I was never meant to have children in the first place. Additionally, because I have never had an abortion, I have been spared the guilt that many women who had an abortion(s) then find themselves childless later in life feel, whether rightly or wrongly, and this story in the Mirror is a case in point.

That I have never been pregnant can feel quite strange at times, particularly knowing as I do now that I have been fertile all along. It is almost as if an invisible hand made sure that it never happened for reasons that only they know. It is one of those mysteries of life that we all have to live with I suppose.

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