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A man may use the fact that you are desperate to start a family against you

By Nina Steele 

Life in your 40sI came across a breakup story on one of my social media feeds recently and it reminded me of another story I was privy to a few years back. A woman I knew who was then in her 40s and with no children, left her job and moved abroad to be with her new found love. She wanted children and was keen to make the relationship work. As far as she was concerned, it was her last chance to become a mother.

The relationship didn’t work out and so she came back to the UK and went back to the same job she had left. When I spoke to her, she had resigned herself to the fact that her chances of becoming a mother had gone. She couldn’t hide her anger at the fact that the relationship didn’t work out even though she gave it everything. She had hoped that leaving her job and following the man all the way to his country would show him how much she cared. But of course, even that wasn’t enough.

From what I know, whenever a man senses desperation coming from a woman he is in a relationship with, he uses it against her. It is particularly true for women of a certain age who want to settle down and have children. Of course not all single men behave this way, but many do. Obviously, that’s because, unlike women, these men often don’t feel under pressure to settle down. And of course, unlike women, those who can and choose to, can have children at any age.

People break up for many reasons. I do understand that some relationships were never meant to be. What I have an issue with, is when a man is not honest with a woman who has been honest with him about what she is looking for in a relationship. As some men like to say, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Why waste a woman’s time if you are not ready to settle down and she tells you that she is? Why not just move on instead of making her believe that the relationship is anything other than casual?

I wrote an article a few years ago about Kylie Minogue ending a relationship with her then fiancé, knowing that by doing so, she was most likely saying goodbye to her chances of becoming a mother. She was 48 at the time. There were suggestions that the man had become too close to another woman, leading Kylie to end the relationship. My reading of the story was that she was sending a clear message that she wasn’t desperate enough to allow a man to disrespect her. And that to me was quite a statement.

As I said then, men will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. If you allow a man to believe that he can get away with anything because you are desperate to hold on to him, chances are that he will abuse the relationship. Sadly, some women are willing to put up with anything. Even the ones who are old enough to know better.

Life in your 40s

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