“People act like I have zero problems because I don't have children”

By Nina Steele

A few days ago, a user posted a thread on the forum about her experience as a childfree woman in her 30s. I have chosen to post it on the main section of the website as well, because some of you will identify with some of the issues she talks about. Below is her full account of some of the things she’s had to put up with:

“Hello, I’m new & just a bit of background. I’m in my 30’s & due to various reasons I’m single & child free. It wasn’t really a choice but I also (for the most part) don’t mind. If I do get upset with not having either a husband or a child it’s usually because of people’s exceptions or how they treat me because of it. So, I was wondering if anyone else feels like they’re put last since they’re child free?

It wasn’t as bad when I was in my 20’s as I had a lot of friends who were going to wait – as I planned – to have children. Some didn’t want any at all. Because of that, back then I could talk about this with more people. Now everyone has children except for a few work colleagues. But I rarely see them as we have different schedules.

I always feel like my opinion doesn’t matter. People act like I have zero problems because I don’t have children. If I try talking to friends about things in my life they just act like it’s nothing. Not as important/serious/or exciting as their kids.

When my job switched to 24 hrs & I had to do flip flopping shifts (work midnight-7am one day then the very next day start at 7am then back to overnight, back and forth back and forth to the point I was getting only a couple hours sleep a night) they would laugh ‘if you’re tired now wait until you have kids!’

I’d ask; “So you get LESS Than 2 hours a night?!” They then acted like I was nuts and said ‘no but I wake up a lot’. Right but both are bad so why act like my sleep deprivation isn’t as bad?? Also, two of my friends who always complained about not getting sleep confessed to having about 6 hours sleep a night (just broken up) and I was getting 2 at the time… but they acted like their situation was worse? What?

When I expressed concern about my finances as my job did a wage freeze, formerly free parking lot now cost $90 a month, my rent went up $100 a month (after renovations) & I had to get new glasses, right before Christmas, they just said ‘at least you don’t have any kids to feed’. Right but what about me? My mouth? My eyes? My bills? I also buy Christmas gifts for my nieces & nephews, doesn’t that matter? It’s so frustrating”.