When the desire to fit in leads to extreme unhappiness and sometimes tragedy

By Nina Steele 

The recent release from Prison of Jane Andrews was bound to attract a great deal of media attention, without mentioning the pain that it must have caused the family of Thomas Cressman, the man she murdered. Although hers is an extreme case, the whole obsession that led to that murder is not unusual.

Andrews was desperate to get married and have children, and did not take rejection very well. She trashed the flat of one of her former lovers when their relationship ended. Her life seemed to follow the same pattern with men. Unfortunately, Thomas Cressman paid with his life.

The desire to fit in with what society considers the norm, can cause havoc with people’s lives. What some often fail to realise, is that life has a way of teaching us a lesson, and often, those things that we desperately want, we won’t get until we rid ourselves of that desire, and learn to accept our life as it is. Even then, we may still not get what we want, but at least, we would have learnt a valuable lesson.

For many years, I worked with a young woman, now in her mid-30s. She is the eldest of three children and used to complain that her parents didn’t love her growing up. She showed signs of being deeply affected psychologically and regularly cried at work whenever something went wrong. It was exhausting working with her.

She was desperate to settle down and start a family. Her desperation not to be left behind and to make her parents proud, led her from one disastrous relationship to another. It was painful to witness. To make matters worse, her younger sister was married and the last I heard, she was expecting her second child.

Most people within the organisation I worked for, knew her story. She has made herself into a victim of society. It was all about what other people thought of her. It didn’t matter that she had a decent job and was able to pay her bills. She wanted what her sister had, and was not going to rest until she got it.

We cannot blame our past and society for all our problems, forever. As adults, we are ultimately responsible for the decisions we make and the actions we take. So long as you buy into the idea that there is a one size fits all to life, your chances of being happy will be reduced significantly. Just because your life happens to be different to that of the mainstream of society doesn’t make it less worthy.

Overcoming fear

Speak Your Mind

Share via
Copy link
Powered by Social Snap