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Martha’s Story: I am gradually coming to terms with the reality that motherhood may never happen for me

Single childless middle aged womanI have had a pretty eventful love life. Not that I wanted it to be that way of course. I imagined that by this time in my life, I would be settled with a couple of kids. Never in a million years did I expect to be unmarried and childless at 44. My last relationship ended 3 years ago. I was devastated because I didn’t see it coming. As far as I was concerned, it was going well. My then partner and I discussed starting a family together and both agreed to give adoption a go in case we ended up not conceiving naturally. Then out of the blue, he said he wanted out. As a result, I have had to reassess my entire life, and for the first time, I had to face up to the reality that my chances of becoming a mother were very slim, if not non-existent.

In the immediate aftermath of my relationship ending, my confidence was so low that I seriously didn’t think I would ever recover. Of course, as is often the case, I had underestimated my own strength. Often, when faced with such monumental issues that have the potential to damage us for good, we somewhat find the strength somewhere within us not to give in to the darkness that keeps beckoning to us.

Having the support of my family did help a great deal. I was also able to call on a few friends. I am gradually coming to terms with the fact that motherhood may never happen for me, and I am also realistic enough to understand that my chances of adopting as a single parent are pretty slim. The silver lining for me right now is the fact that I am financially ok. I have a job that pays fairly well and have a place to call home, although I am only renting right now. That’s the other thing that made the whole break up so hard. Not only was I seeing my chances of starting a family slip away, but also my dream of owning a home. My then partner and I had discussed buying a place together and it would have been easier with our combined salaries. Unless I come into some unexpected cash, I can no longer see this happening any time soon.

What these past events have taught me is that life is so unpredictable that it is probably best not to make too many grand plans. I always planned to get married and have children and look where that got me. My new philosophy is to live one day at a time. I am open to whatever life has in store for me. I may not like the turn that my life has taken, but fighting what is will only make things worse.

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Comments

  1. Hi Martha, thanks for sharing your story. I suspect that having to revisit these painful events wasn’t easy. Yes the realisation that no matter how much effort we put into wanting our lives to go a certain way, that ultimately fate will have the last word, can be both frightening and humbling in equal measure. I call it the mystery of life. It transcends every human endeavour. I wish you peace, whatever the future holds for you.

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