K’s Story: I am finally OK with my life as a woman without children

Childless stories I had my first miscarriage in 1986, followed by one during my not very successful marriage in 1996 and then the saddest one in 2006 with my soulmate. Three decades of being a failure was hard to take. I had always kind of planned to be a mother, predominantly because it’s what women are biologically programmed to do. But nature decided that wasn’t going to be the case.

I had investigations as to why not. They showed I had a blocked fallopian tube, possibly scar tissue from the severe infection I had after the first miscarriage, plus a touch of endometriosis. But having got pregnant three times, there was always hope, or so I thought.

Hope faded as the years went on. As those years went on, I became more and more at ease with the situation as did my partner, although to be honest, I don’t think he ever really wanted kids. He just wanted to make me happy. Something he continually strives to do even after sixteen years together. My Mum says every time we go and see her ‘you can see how much that boy loves you’. That boy, by the way, is forty years old, but to an old lady in her late eighties, they are all boys.

I don’t have a career per se. My partner and I own a business we both work at but we don’t have a whole heap of money. We are not well travelled but we are comfortable with where we are in life. So many times now, I listen to the news and what is happening around the word, with so many different issues, and I am almost glad I am not leaving children or grandchildren to cope with the future.

There isn’t a day that goes by where a teenager isn’t reported to have run away because they can’t cope with the pressures of school or social media. The suicide rates for young people have seemingly escalated out of control. Then there is global warming, the issue of plastics etc etc…..Who wants to leave their children behind to all that? Oh and don’t even get me started on overpopulation. My colleague has gone from being one woman to four children and 11 grandchildren, that level of procreation is not sustainable across the globe.

As for the old adage that your kids will look after you when you are old, that is poppycock. My parents are elderly and I live three hours away and see them a few times a year. Currently they look after each other, but that isn’t a forever solution, because guaranteed one will go before the other, then what?

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  1. Hello K. Thanks for sharing your story. It is heartening to read that your relationship with your partner is going strong. The process of trying for a child and not succeeding is so disruptive that coming out of it as a strong unit is never a given. And yes looking at the current state of the world, not having a child to worry about is a relief. I wish you and your partner, the very best.

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