Pooja’s Story: How we went from wanting children to living happily as a childless couple

Childless Indian womenI feel ready to share my story, after being married for 10 years. I hope it can be of use to anyone reading it and that some people will learn from my mistakes. Growing up, I used to be called “Chulbuli”, which in Hindi means vivacious. I was always full of energy and that carefree and light-hearted spirit continued until adulthood. To put it simply, I was passionate about life. I seemed to have a solution to every problem. With a personality like that, it’s no surprise that I had lots of friends. All that changed the moment I got married.

I am from the state of Haryana, in northern India. I married into a conservative family in which the people were mostly uneducated. I did my utmost to keep everyone happy. But then, two years into my marriage, the enquiries about when I was going to become pregnant started coming in. Usually in India, people start asking these questions from the very next month you get married. And so, in a way, I was lucky that it took two years to get to that stage. The only answer I could give was to tell those asking that it would happen soon.

Around that time, my husband got transferred to another city. That allowed me some breathing space, particularly as it meant that I no longer had to live with his family. I made the decision to go back to work. Then after three years of being childless, the pressure on me to become pregnant was back on!

That’s when we decided to seek medical advice. We ended up having lots of tests. Visiting the doctor’s surgery daily became a part of my life. As I was working full time, it soon became clear that something had to give, and so, I left my job. The tests continued. We were prescribed medication. All in vain. Then the doctor advised us to go to a fertility specialist.

We went through a fair number of fertility treatments, all in vain. It was then that we made the decision to stop trying and move on with our life as a childless couple.

My career is now my main focus, along with my relationship with my husband. Since making the decision to live my life as a childless woman, I have gone back to being the person I was before my marriage; passionate and full of life. I am now a successful woman working for a very good organisation. Every month, my husband and I travel. We enjoy spending quality time together. We are finally at peace and happy as a couple.

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  1. Hi Pooja,
    Thanks for sharing your story. I am glad to hear that you and your husband are going strong as a couple since making the courageous decision to stop trying to have children. When my husband and I went on holiday to India in 2011, I was struck by the level of poverty. Even as an African, I had never come across whole families living on the street, which is what I saw in India. With a population of over a billion and so much poverty, I cannot understand why anyone who cannot procreate is made to feel bad about it. If anything, it’s my view that the Indian government should now encourage people to either have fewer children or none at all. The focus should be on helping those already here have a decent life. It makes no longer sense for people to still believe that everyone should procreate, when only a few of those already here can afford a decent life. Anyway, at least you and your husband have jobs that allow you to live well. I wish you both continued happiness and success.

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