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The story of Dee: Founder of the dating website yeschildfree.com

My husband and I have the best love story ever. Trust me, I’m totally not biased at all. We used to live on opposite sides of the world. When we were both visiting our shared hometown, we met through a mutual friend.

We only had two weeks to spend together, but things moved in lightning speed. By the end of the visit, he had told me he loved me and he wanted to grow old with me. I was more apprehensive but everything felt right, so I decided to jump in and give it a shot.

One year into our long-distance relationship, I was visiting him and we started talking about kids. He said he wanted to have kids with me…and I cringed. After an awkward pause, I said, “I’m not sure I want kids.”

“Why?”

“Well, why do you want kids?”

“I’m curious what it’s gonna be like. What they’re gonna look like, what kind of people they’re gonna be… They’re gonna have a little bit of me and a little bit of you in them. Why don’t you want kids?”

“I can’t come up with any good reason why I should have kids.”

We went back and forth like this for a while, then finally he held me and said, “I’m gonna change your mind.” And I cringed even harder. But I was crazy about this guy and I was only 23. Maybe my biological clock would kick in and I would actually want to have kids when I’m older, I thought.

Looking back, I wouldn’t have imagined that my then-boyfriend would be the one to change his mind instead. In a way, I have his sisters to thank. When they became moms, he saw the amount of day-to-day sacrifice that goes into parenting.

At the same time, we were both discovering the joys of budget travel, sleeping in cheap hostels and riding rusty buses. And even though we didn’t make a lot of money, we had two incomes and we were able to build up our savings quite easily once I moved in and we didn’t have to buy airfares to visit each other. Life was good and neither of us wanted to change anything. Then we got married, and suddenly there was a lot of pressure for us to have children.

Up until this point, I still allowed for the small possibility of my mind changing because everybody said I would. Well, there was no more time to procrastinate. I spent one summer reading and thinking, and I finally decided once and for all to be childfree. It was an easy decision that brought me a lot of relief.

Considering everything that has happened, I feel lucky that both my husband and I are on the same page. He actually arrived at the decision to be childfree before I did. Lots of people aren’t as lucky.

I frequent a couple of childfree forums, where I read many dating disaster stories. It’s tough out there if you’re single and childfree. Random Internet strangers try to change your mind and single parents tell you their children are so extraordinarily special you wouldn’t be able to resist them.

There has to be a better solution for childfree people who are looking for love. I know there were several childfree dating sites that failed for one reason or another.

At the same time, there are dating sites out there for horse lovers, clowns, cat lovers, bikers, gluten-free people, baby/diaper fetishists, hot sauce aficionados, sea captains, salad lovers, farmers, Star Trek fans, and people who think they’re vampires. I refuse to believe us childfree people are more niche than them.

So I built a childfree dating site.

It has been a month since yeschildfree.com was launched and so far 200 people have signed up. Some of them already have partners but joined YesChildfree to find friends. It’s hard to find people to hang out with when you reach a certain age and lose your friends to parenthood.

I’m pleasantly surprised by how quickly it took for the website to reach 200 members. Childfree communities online have welcomed YesChildfree with open hands, providing lots of feedbacks and support. Several people have told me that there’s a real need for such a website.

It’s early days, but if this growth continues I’m optimistic that it will successfully help many childfree people find one another.

Would you like to share your story? Send it to: [email protected]

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