Understanding that not all paths are meant to include children is key to coming to terms with being childless

By Nina Steele 

I am in absolutely no doubt that whether or not I am happy is mainly up to me. My take on life is that what we see all around us is probably about 1% of what life as a whole is really about. I also believe that there are many forces at play around us and the key to connecting with those forces is to accept our path wholeheartedly. The mystery of life is what makes it so special. Imagine the kind of life it would be if we knew from the outset what was in store for us? That we don’t know what tomorrow will bring, allows us to have dreams and aspirations that make this whole journey worth it. That brings us back to the issue of being childless not by choice. The way I see it is this: whatever is yours is yours and it will come to you whether you actively seek it or not. If your journey is meant to include children, then you will have them. It is a form of fatalism, although I do also believe that the choices we make are equally important.

The duality of life means that it is both predetermined and made. It is akin to being at a crossroads and having to choose which way to go. The key here is that we always have a choice in the matter. Ultimately, it is up to us what kind of life we end up living. Are we strong and courageous enough to not be afraid to stand alone? Or does the fact that we are desperate to be part of a group mean we will end up denying ourselves the very happiness that we say we want? For ultimately, this is what it all comes down to: fear. We want to be happy, yet we are afraid to make those difficult decisions that will lead to that happiness. Happiness is earned, it is not something that you can just command. You have to actively want to be happy, even if that means standing alone. The sad truth is that many people live their lives based on that of others. The keeping up with the joneses syndrome has played havoc with people’s lives. Many are chasing things they don’t need or which weren’t meant for them in the first place, just so they can fit it. And the same is true for children.

Indeed, many mothers I have spoken to, will choose not to have children if they had the chance to start again. Yet, those still unable to come to terms with being childless think that having children can only make them happy. They have this romantic idea of being a parent, which in many cases is nothing like the real thing. What they do not grasp is that as mentioned previously anyone who is meant to have children will have them! If you haven’t had them, there is a reason for this and the key is to accept your path and make the most of what life has to offer. To fight against what in essence is your true path is a recipe for unhappiness. Not all paths are meant to include children and once you understand that, the pain of childlessness is instantly lifted. It is as simple as that. Yes because of our conditioning, it will take a good few years for most people to understand that simple truth. Unfortunately, however, while some will get it, others will not and there are many stories of people in their old age still grieving the fact that they do not have children. If you are reading this and you are one of those people still struggling, I hope this article awakens the truth that is buried deep within you and releases you from the fear that is preventing you from being happy.