Support Issues

Hi Nina
I no longer really dwell too much on the matter but here I am still fit and active with plenty to be getting on with. Once I am old and infirm , I could well have a different view. I am sure I will reflect more on the fact I never had kids. Lets face it , to reproduce is the whole point of our biological being and us non-parents are going against something very fundamental . But I think we are doing this world a service. There is more than enough population growth in various parts and we cant all have them.

I need to maintain plenty of interests right to the end of my life. I hope to have the means to change my career and do something more creative and at least have something substantial that I can look back on. And things like that are more important as a non-parent.

In the West us Nonparents are a now a sizable community and maybe we need new types of support networks - like non-parents.com !

I think you really have to take some time to think about the decision (or forced choice) and then consider where you see your life going. As long as you have something that you can work towards with your partner, I am confident that you would be absolutely fine. It may take time, but eventually you will adapt and learn to live in the best possible way for you.

Sometimes I think I have, and then something will set me off again. If by coming to terms with it you mean I know it's definitely not going to happen then yes, I have, however I do still get upset about it sometimes. I just try to fill my life as much as possible and hope that this can keep me going!

I almost never have sad feelings about my infertility anymore. It has been 13 years and some counseling and spiritual growth has taken place to heal those wounds. I also have a very supportive husband as well.

It was my choice, but you do still need to come to terms with the fact that your life might be a little different than it otherwise would have been. Once you've determined the direction that your life will take, things do become a lot easier, so I would say that you should try to do everything in your power to plan a future for yourself, as having something to aim for will be very helpful.

As you get older, your chances of becoming pregnant diminish and so unless you try for a child in your early twenties, chances are that in your late twenties and early thirties, you might encounter some difficulties. This means that even if you are childless by choice and you are in your thirties, you might not automatically become pregnant if you suddenly change your mind and decide that you want children after all. It is far more complicated than that, I am afraid.