Support Issues

Hi Lucy, My husband and I have never looked back since we made the decision to stop trying for a child. In all honesty, now looking back I can see that both of us have never felt that strongly about having children. That we could just turn the page and move on is a point in case. Having children for us was more a way of fitting in with most of society as this is considered the thing to do as a couple.

I am still "in" there to be honest. I havent really accepted it yet, but I know I have to. Yes it does feel like a bereavement at times and something I still have to get used to.

I think that it is absolutely fair to think of it like a bereavement. If not for a person then for a life that you feel as though you should have had. My friend struggled to have children for a long time and then gave up, and almost broke down completely. But she had no person to be upset about, it was just the thought that her life would now be taking a new path, which must have been very distressing for her.

Sometimes, I can go for months without getting upset about it at all. And then all of a sudden there will be something in the media about children being harmed and then I get ridiculously angry because how DARE they hurt their children when so many people can't have any. But I think that's a reaction that lots of people would have anyway.

Let yourself feel emotions when you need to. Please seek help if you need it. Don't get stuck in your grief. Focus on the positives in your life. I know it sounds trite but you will get through.

Dbohio makes a good point, in that you do indeed have to let the emotions through in order to get through them. It is like grief, in that you don't really see the end of it until you've been through the worst, if that makes sense. But as long as you have people around you, you will get through it, even if you might not think you will at the moment.