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How do you cope? (6 replies)

Lucy
6 years ago
Lucy 6 years ago

For those who have come out the other side and are coping with their childless lives which wasn't their choice. How do you cope? How do you get through?

Is it fair to compare the process to a bereavement? Do you go through stages? Did you grieve for a child and a life that you would never have? Do you have to let the process play out?

Nina
6 years ago
Nina 6 years ago

Hi Lucy, My husband and I have never looked back since we made the decision to stop trying for a child. In all honesty, now looking back I can see that both of us have never felt that strongly about having children. That we could just turn the page and move on is a point in case. Having children for us was more a way of fitting in with most of society as this is considered the thing to do as a couple.

eeyorebob
6 years ago
eeyorebob 6 years ago

I am still "in" there to be honest. I havent really accepted it yet, but I know I have to. Yes it does feel like a bereavement at times and something I still have to get used to.

Dawn Kells
6 years ago
Dawn Kells 6 years ago

I think that it is absolutely fair to think of it like a bereavement. If not for a person then for a life that you feel as though you should have had. My friend struggled to have children for a long time and then gave up, and almost broke down completely. But she had no person to be upset about, it was just the thought that her life would now be taking a new path, which must have been very distressing for her.

Julez Fitzmond
6 years ago
Julez Fitzmond 6 years ago

Sometimes, I can go for months without getting upset about it at all. And then all of a sudden there will be something in the media about children being harmed and then I get ridiculously angry because how DARE they hurt their children when so many people can't have any. But I think that's a reaction that lots of people would have anyway.

Dbohio1969
6 years ago
Dbohio1969 6 years ago

Let yourself feel emotions when you need to. Please seek help if you need it. Don't get stuck in your grief. Focus on the positives in your life. I know it sounds trite but you will get through.

Dawn Kells
6 years ago
Dawn Kells 6 years ago

Dbohio makes a good point, in that you do indeed have to let the emotions through in order to get through them. It is like grief, in that you don't really see the end of it until you've been through the worst, if that makes sense. But as long as you have people around you, you will get through it, even if you might not think you will at the moment.

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