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I fear I will never be able to move on now that my marriage has ended

The issue: Nina, I will simply put it this way, it is not easy at all getting over the fact that my marriage has ended. One minute I am ok with it and seem to be coping well, the next minute, my heart is breaking into several parts. Those marriage vows seem to haunt me. I really believed that we would stay together for better or worse. To be dumped because we are unable to have children as a couple, shows how meaningless those vows were. How I wish the marriage never took place. Even with him having betrayed me the way he has, I still miss him and cannot bear hearing anyone speak ill of him. Where do I go from here?

Nina’s answer: 12 years ago, Jennifer Aniston was unceremoniously dumped by her then husband Brad Pitt. I remember it vividly and so do many women around the world. Every woman who had ever been dumped for another woman, felt her pain. Like all the many women who sent her positive vibes and love, I too knew how it felt like when a man heartlessly dumps you. The shame, the humiliation, the excruciating pain. You feel like a nobody. Your self-esteem is knocked so hard, you don’t believe you can ever recover.

The thing about life, however, is that it is governed by law. One of those laws is known in layman’s terms as Karma. In science it is known as Newton’s third law of motion. That law states that ‘for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction’. Meaning that everything we do will come back to us in equal measure. Karma is law. It is not some fancy concept that hippies made up all those years ago. It is real. So, even though you are the one suffering right now, your husband too will feel that pain at some stage. Only time will tell, how that pain manifests itself.

Today, Brad Pitt is feeling the pain he inflicted on Jennifer Aniston, all those years ago. We were told then that he left her because she didn’t want children at the time, when he did. He and Angelina Jolie have gone on to have 3 biological children and 3 adopted ones. Now she is filing for divorce and is asking for sole physical custody of the children. Can you see the irony in that? He left Jennifer Aniston because according to him, she didn’t want children, and now he may lose custody of those children. That is karma in action.

Jennifer Aniston has now rebuilt her life with a new husband. My point is, yes you are in pain right now, but that too will pass. Hopefully, one day, you will look back and realise that the Universe had a better plan for you all along. None of us can escape our path. And as we all know, no one’s path is free from pain and suffering. That is how most of us build our character. That is what ultimately makes us who we become later in life. You can come out of this ordeal a stronger person, but only you can make this happen. Right now, it is ok for you to mourn the end of your marriage, however, at some point, you will have to find the strength within yourself to move on. You cannot remain a victim for the rest of your life. That’s not what is expected of any of us. Yes life can be brutal and you have been humiliated, but as the example of Jennifer Aniston and that of many other women shows, your future can be bright again.

Nina Steele is nonparents.com agony aunt. Send any dilemma you may have to: [email protected]

Childless African Women

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