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Some relationships are doomed from the start – here is why

By Nina Steele 

I think most people would agree that being in a loving relationship is at the top of their list in terms of the things that they want most from life. Which is why I love this line in the intro to the ‘The Millionaire Matchmaker’ (yes one of my guilty pleasures!): “Love, everyone wants it but not everyone finds it”. Of course it is a generalisation, but a fair one in my view.

In my experience, I have found that sharing the same values, is the foundation on which long lasting and happy relationships rest. Yes money has the potential to tear people apart, but ultimately, it is the importance that we give to things that will determine whether our relationships last or not.

When a relationship is built on a shaky foundation, chances are that it will fail. For example, I hear so many people say that looks is their number one priority when looking for a partner. What happens then when those looks fade?

The same goes for having children. Going back to ‘The Millionaire Matchmaker’, it always amazes me that everyone on the show says that they want to get married and have children. It is almost as if they feel they will not come across as normal, unless they say that having children is on the cards.

Yes it is true that we have been conditioned to think that way. Even so, you would think that with all the literature around, people would know by now not to take it for granted that they would be able to have children just because they want to. No one has ever uttered a word of caution, in case they find themselves unable to conceive.

You can have the looks, money and all the trappings of modern life, but ultimately, sharing the same values, is what will determine whether a relationship survives or not. Values are what make you tick as a person, what is at the core of your being.

One of the reasons why our marriage survived infertility, is because we both dislike measuring our lives against that of people around us. We wish those around us well, however, we don’t want their lives, as we are happy with what we already have.

As I have said many times before, we are the only people in both our respective families, not to have children, yet it doesn’t bother us. That is because we both understand that comparing our lives with that of those around us, is the quickest way to unhappiness. And so we don’t even try.

Imagine being in a relationship with someone who loves nothing more than to show off and keep up with the joneses, when all you want to do, is live a quiet and simple life. The relationship is either going to come to an end eventually, or you are going to stay together but be deeply unhappy.

There can never be a happy relationship, unless you both share the same values. That is the bottom line.

What are your views on the importance of values in a relationship?

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