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Nadine’s Story: I don’t want to live with the guilt of having children I cannot afford

Childless by circumstance womenMy partner and I sat down, had a frank discussion about our finances and came to the conclusion that unless one of us wins the lottery, there is no realistic chance of us starting a family. We are both in full time employment, however, the money we earn is just enough for us to live on. We are desperate to own a property at some stage and so the little extra that’s left from our wages goes straight into our savings account. Living that way is already a struggle and the idea of starting a family in these conditions, is totally out of the question.

We are both ok with the reality that we are most likely not going to be parents, even though it’s not something we planned. What we are not willing to do is panic and have children we cannot afford. Often, what ends up happening in cases like these is that the parents start fighting among themselves, blaming each other for the situation they find themselves in. And then the children who never asked for any of this, end up the losers. In many cases, parents have been known to vent their frustrations and anger at the children. Why have them in the first place?

I think people should learn to live within their means and if that means not being able to have children because they cannot afford them, then so be it. For far too long, people have been having children without thinking of the consequences, as if they were buying a product. We are talking about other human beings here. The way children start in life usually determines how the rest of their life pans out. People seem to be completely oblivious to that. They only think of themselves and their desire to fit in with those around them.

Some people have told us that we may come to regret our decision one day, and that’s a risk we are willing to take. The worst thing for us would be to bring children into this world and then fail to provide for them adequately or worse end up making their life a misery because we ourselves are desperately unhappy. Neither of us wants to one day have to live with the reality that we contributed to a child being messed up. I know that anyone can end up being messed up, regardless of how much money their parents had, but our decision is made and we are sticking with it.

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Comments

  1. Hi Nadine, thanks for sharing your story. I totally understand where you are coming from. As many people on this platform know, the money issue is a big deal for me. When you have experience of growing up in an environment where money was constantly an issue, the last thing you want is a re-enactment of that same experience as an adult. I feel strongly that anyone wanting to have a child should be financially ready first. I believe that’s the least they can do for that child. Why should a child be made to struggle from the moment he or she is born? I wish you and your partner, the very best for the future.

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