How does it feel to be the only one without children in your family?

By Nina Steele 

The other day, I received a deeply moving message from Susan Virtanen, a user. In it she says: “When I read how you and your husband are the only ones without children in your respective families, I cried because it is the same for my husband and I too”. I was so moved that I asked her if I could publish it, and thankfully, she agreed.

One of the reasons why I always feel the need to mention that my husband and I are the only ones in our families without children, is so people understand that there is nothing wrong with being the odd one out, contrary to what some in society would have us believe.

Once again, as with everything else in life, everyone will experience this differently. If you happen to be part of a family in which sibling rivalry is intense, then you may find it quite difficult to come to terms with being the only one without children. It can get worse for women with sisters. Rivalry between sisters can be pretty toxic. As an only daughter, I didn’t experience any such thing myself, but I have met and read stories of many other women who have.

As a couple, what helped us more than anything else, was being able to make sense of why our life has turned out the way it has. We both have understood from the beginning that feeling sorry for ourselves was not going to help.

We had to find a way to move on. It was either that or a life full of self-pity and misery. The question wasn’t so much ‘why us’ but rather ‘what message is the Universe sending us?’ And for us, that message is that, not all paths are meant to include children.

Once you have made sense of it all, nothing else matters. It no longer matters that you are the odd one out.

What we often forget is that society is a product of all of us. Just because having children is seen as the norm, doesn’t make it true for everyone. Childlessness is nothing new. There have been childless people throughout history. Some people have children, some don’t. Whichever group you end up belonging to, embrace it, don’t wish that you belonged to the other group instead.

What I know intrinsically to be true, is that there is always a reason why things happen the way they do. That is the mystery of life. We as people can only know so much. We do the best that we can, and leave the rest to destiny. Whatever is meant to be will be. There is not much any of us can do about it.

Female infertility

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