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Rose’s Story: Having a strong relationship has always been our number one priority

My husband and I just never got around to having children. I was busy with my career and him with his, and so by the time we knew it, it was too late. Also by then, we had become so settled in our ways that I don’t think we wanted children anyway. We have a very busy social life, with a big circle of friends and so we haven’t regretted not having children. Both our sets of parents however, do not support our choice and would have liked to have become grandparents, and although we do understand how they feel, ultimately, this is our life and the way we choose to live it is up to us.

We do think every so often about issues such as the prospect of being lonely in old age, however we try not to worry about it too much. We do have a great relationship and one of the reasons we put off having children in addition to our careers was the worry that having children might damage that relationship. It sounds rather selfish but we do value our relationship a great deal, and I suppose sometimes in life, one has to make choices that work for oneself as opposed to just following others.

We cannot all have children, as the world resources are not limitless. We do get the odd `you will regret not having children’ comment thrown at us every so often and try not to let it affect us. People like to project their own views onto others, and do not realise that we are individuals with different priorities. There is an unspoken view in most societies that everyone should have children, and it is not a view that we share. We are living life to the full and intend to carry on doing so for a long time to come.

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Comments

  1. GemmaRowlands says

    Firstly, I don’t think people should say to you that you will regret not having children, as it is absolutely your decision to make, not theirs. I feel there is an important issue to highlight here, though, and that is that people shouldn’t leave it too late. I am happy that you have good social circles, and I’m sure that these will keep you going – but for all people who want children, please don’t prioritise career for too long. This can come after children, there is no time limit on that. I wish you the best for you and your husband.

  2. Lucy Burrows says

    I think it’s quite scary just how fast the time goes, and it is very easy for it to run away from you without you even noticing it. These days, when people seem to be much more career focussed, it can be so easy to put things to one side that you probably should make a priority – but you don’t realise this until it’s too late. Your friends will help you through this, and I hope that you find true happiness.

  3. Julez Fitzmond says

    One of my friends was in a similar situation, and it was just something that had never happened for her. She got to 50 and actually started trying, although she wasn’t able by that point. It seems odd that something that is such a huge issue for so many of us on here was right at the back of the minds of other people, but I suppose that life definitely takes over, and it’s something that can’t really do all that much about!

  4. I am choosing not to have children, however I will admit that I am a little bit scared about how I am going to feel when it gets to the point where it is no longer my choice to make. I am sorry that it came to that point for you, however I do think that you will have the chance to make something great of your life regardless.

    • Julez Fitzmond says

      Don’t feel scared about it, Dawn. You have thought about the decision, and you must have very good reasons for choosing not to have children. You may well have a bit of a panic, but you will get through it and remember why you made the choice. Children just aren’t for everyone, and you must be very sure to have been able to make your decision in the first place, so that’s great.

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