Jason’s Story: Why have a child and then have someone else raise it for us?

Childfree black manMy partner and I are busy professionals. We are both in our 40s. Even though we have been together for a good few years, children just aren’t an option right now and I doubt they will ever be. We have very demanding jobs that we enjoy doing, and the idea of either one of us taking a career break to be a full time parent is not even on the radar.

Having worked as hard as we have to get to where we are, risking it all just so we can say we are part of the majority, is not something we are willing to do. We certainly have the finances to get someone to help us with looking after a child, however, we both feel strongly that a child deserves better than that.

We are both all or nothing kind of people. When we choose to do something, we give it 100%. Why have a child and then have someone else raise it for us? I do understand that that’s’ how most people grew up, including us. However, we also don’t agree that that’s the way to give a child the best start in life. Those early years are crucial, and we don’t fancy feeling guilty for not being there for our child.

My parents hold very traditional views on relationships. They don’t understand the point of us being together if we are not going to have a family. Children for them is what a family is all about. In the same way that I cannot make them see things my way, no matter how hard they have tried, I haven’t budged either. My partner and I are a family. This idea that only a household with children should be considered a family, is narrow-minded, wrong and an insult to millions of people around the world.

We have been labelled selfish for choosing the lifestyle we have chosen. It is Funny how choosing not to have children is considered selfish, while society stays silent when people who obviously shouldn’t have children, have them. Have these people never read or watched the news? How many times have we been told of children who have been left to suffer at the hands of their biological parents until it was too late? Thankfully we both know better than to let other people influence our choices, particularly when the ramifications are so huge, and there is so much at stake.

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Childfree black man


  1. Hi Jason. Thanks for sharing your story. Going against the established norm always opens one up to criticisms. It would be far easier for everyone around you if you were just like them. Good on you for sticking to your values. Experience has shown time and time again that sacrificing one’s values in order to please others is likely to end in tears. If others feel uncomfortable with your choice, that’s their problem, not yours. Wishing you both all the best.

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