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Losing her mother made Lisa Stansfield believe she wanted children and then she realised motherhood wasn’t for her after all

By Nina Steele 

Lisa Stansfield has sold over 20 million albums worldwide, and as recently as 2016, was “ranked 46th most successful dance artist of all-time” by Billboard magazine. On a personal level, she seems to be one of a few famous people to have also managed to find lasting happiness. Indeed, she and her husband Ian Devaney, who also happens to be her business partner, have been married since 1998. The couple had lived happily childfree, with no intention of having children, until 2006 when Lisa suddenly changed her mind and wanted to become a mother. That change of heart was as a direct result of losing her mother. Lisa said that her mother dying “made the ‘evil’ biological clock start ticking”.

As it turned out, motherhood did not materialise for her. It wasn’t for lack of trying though. The urge to procreate after her mother died was so strong that Lisa and her husband moved to New York so they could focus on their quest to become parents through IVF. After three attempts at IVF, she had had enough. Of that episode she says: “I just thought after the third one, I can’t do this any more”. She goes on to say: “I think it was because of the death thing. With death you sort of want to create life, don’t you? It’s quite strange, really. But I’m so glad now that I couldn’t get pregnant. Because I don’t think I’m cut out to be a mum. I’m a singer. I’m a musician. I’m a writer”.

Reading her story made me think of the parallels with my own story. One minute you convince yourself that you want children, for one reason or another, and then when it does not happen, you breathe a huge sigh of relief because you realise that it was never your path in the first place.

That she was courageous enough to stop when she did, then admit that she wanted to become a mother for all the wrong reasons, is quite refreshing and a reminder that motherhood really isn’t for everyone. Her story is especially important for those still undecided about which path to travel. Having the courage to ask yourself very uncomfortable questions about your motives will save you lots of time and money, without mentioning all the emotional rollercoaster, if indeed, deep down, motherhood is not for you. The worst case scenario would be to have a child for all the wrong reasons, and then regret it for the rest of your life.

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