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Author Dann Alexander’s Story: Why I had a vasectomy at 23 without children

Dann Alexander

Dann Alexander

It’s just not for me. It’s not for many others. The choice of just saying “no” to having children seemed like maybe the easiest decision I have ever made. Parenthood has an appeal level of zero on my scale. Still, many friends, family & colleagues still enjoy telling me about the “tremendous benefits” of being a parent. I look at how hard the parents around me work and how little time they seem to have for themselves. Then I look at my own life and how busy it seems to be. Where would I have time to devote to being a parent? How could I be a parent and find solitude in the things I like to do?

Achieving that balance would seem impossible for me. From the time I was a child myself, I knew that thriving in solitude would be an important part of my life. Adding so much extra responsibility to my life would simply be overwhelming. No thanks. It’s just not for me. I readily salute those who manage to find the balance in their lives as part of parenthood. It’s especially easy to salute parents who will not push their own pro-natalist agendas forward on to those of us who have chosen to be childfree.

People choose to live childfree for many reasons. For me, it is a combination of reasons that sometimes turns into a longer list the more I think or even write about it. A few sentences earlier, I mentioned having zero desire for the responsibility of children. Another reason for my being childfree is because of the cost of raising children. Even with the tax benefits that most parents enjoy, it is still expensive to raise children and provide the basic necessities for them. To further argue this point, I devoted a few paragraphs in my book to the escalating costs of having children using statistical data obtained from a government agency.

If I were to pick a third reason, I suppose it could be tied into the first reason and my thoughts on responsibility. I have seen many parents put their own lives on hold in order to further the interests of their children. While this is of course admirable and common, often the parents end up attempting to live through their children with the kids then showing possible resentment later in life. There is much about life that I enjoy and I want to further my own interests.

It also has been important to acknowledge those who for a myriad of medical reasons cannot have children by choice. I have read and been told of many stories of people who tried for years to have children only to find out that they would never be able to make that dream a reality. Many of those families in social circles will often pretend that they don’t want children only to hide the heartache of their reality.

Writing Planned UnParenthood has made my beliefs in being childfree much stronger. What started as an exploration and explanation of my own points of view, turned into a real honest look at the world that is around me. It is a look at the world of people who respect and make the choice, and the closed world of those who still believe that somehow biology should be the destiny for all.

Dann Alexander is a Freelance Writer based just outside of Halifax, Nova Scotia Canada. His book: “Planned UnParenthood – Creating A Life Without Procreating”, is available on Amazon and many other online retailers worldwide. Follow Dann on Twitter @WriterDann

Would you like to share your story? Send it to: [email protected]

First published on October 5, 2014

Comments

  1. Hi Dann,
    Thanks for sharing your story. I enjoyed reading your book and left a review on Amazon. I admire the candid way in which you tackle such a delicate issue. Your courage in sticking with your choice of not having children at a very young age, in a world dominated by the ideal of the nuclear family is highly commendable and will serve as an inspiration for many people, including parents. I wish you success with the book.
    Nina

  2. Dann Alexander says

    Thank you for your book review and for the opportunity to write something for this site. I am pleased you enjoyed the book.

    Kind regards,

    • The courage that you have shown in living your life on your own terms as opposed to having children just to fit in is commendable. I admire anyone who has the courage to live an authentic life. In a child centered world, it takes courage to admit that there is more to life than having children.

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