My husband and I made the decision earlier on in our marriage not to have children. He was never keen on having them, however he also made it clear that he would go along if I wanted children. I too was never that keen in the first place and so naturally, we ended up not having any.
I suppose looking back, I can see why. We had a strong relationship and we felt as though we already had everything that life could offer. It is such a personal decision that is specific to each relationship and person and so it is not a case of one size fits all.
Some people are naturally inclined to want children while others like us aren’t and of course there are those who want them but end up not having them. Whatever the case may be, my take is that one should make the most of life whether with or without children.
My husband has now passed away and even though I am now on my own, I have no regrets. I do naturally sometimes wonder what my life would have been like had we had children, particularly whether a child would have looked after me in my old age. I do also wonder what type of grandparent I would have been etc. These moments are few and far between and overall I enjoy life as it is and do not feel as though there is something missing.
I do have a fairly busy social life and that to me is key. There is so much out there for one to enjoy that there is no time for regrets. This is the point that many people seem to miss. Because I do not have children, I don’t rely on anyone else for my happiness other than myself.
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Hi Florence, thanks very much for sharing your story. This is the overriding message of this community, namely that there is more to life than having children and your story proves that. As you put it, life is to be enjoyed whether with or without children. Now that my husband and I have come to terms with not having children, we can clearly see the many positive sides of not having children. For a start, we do not need as much money to live on as we would have, had we had children. I mean the cost of raising a child in this day and age seems astronomical and thankfully we will not have to go through that. Other positives include the fact that our marriage is now our main focus and so it has naturally become stronger. Also, we can do whatever we like in our spare time without having to think about how we are going to fit the children in etc. Life is good.
I think the point you make about having a great social life is key. It is great that you made your decision and were happy with it and, although heartbreaking that your husband has passed away, the fact that you do not regret your decision just goes to show how well thought out it was in the first place. I wish you the absolute best in the future, & hope that you go on to be happy with the decision that you made.
You’re right about the social life. When I was going through tough times, I closed myself off from everyone around me, and it just made everything a million times worse. So you really do need to gather everyone you can, and just make sure that you’re absolutely never, ever on your own.
It’s really easy to do though, isn’t it? You just feel as though you need time alone, but then get yourself into a vicious circle and end up completely alone, which of course isn’t all that great. It may also be worth mentioning this to a close friend or family member, saying that you think you need to be kept an eye on, and that way you can be sure that you’re not going to be left alone.
I can see why you would think about what could have been, but it’s good that there are not too many of those moments. Because, honestly, you know that you’re happy with your decision, and that’s a great place to be in, it really is. So be thankful that it isn’t a regret, and simply enjoy the time that you can spend with everybody that you have around you.
It’s odd, because for everything that happens in life, there are a million and one other things that could have happened instead. So for every “what could have been” there would be thousands of others, too. And there’s nothing to say that parenthood would have run smoothly, either. So ultimately, being comfortable in your decision, and accepting it, is absolutely key.