Coming to terms with not having children

By Nina Steele 

It took us 9 years to realise that we already had everything that life could offer and that instead of chasing a dream we should be living it. After all what is life really about? What really defines us as people? Are we defined by the children that we raise, who inevitably (except in very rare cases) will fly the nest and start their own families or are we defined by what we ultimately make of our lives as individuals?

I have immense respect for men and women, particularly women who raise children considering the many challenges that come with it. However, ultimately children fly the nest and the parents are left to carry on with the life that they had started pre-children. My experience is that those parents who had other interests other than their children and did not see them as what defined them, fare better than those for whom, parenthood is everything. This to me, goes to show that life after all is what we as individuals make of it.

It is my belief that a person’s main source of fulfilment should be what he/she achieves as a person by that I mean personal development. Some people find personal development through religion or spirituality, others in hobbies, charity work to name but these few. Coming to that realisation was one of the things that ultimately helped us come to terms with not having children.


  1. GemmaRowlands says

    I think that this is one of the hardest things that people ever have to come to terms with, because having children is something that the majority of people just expect to be able to do without an issue. But when you’re faced with the fact that you’re not able to do this, it is vital that you find another goal in life. Whether that’s travelling the world, learning a new language, or retraining for your dream job, it is important that you do something to make sure that you keep hold of your life and your ability to live it – because you absolutely can, with or without children.

  2. It is a very hard thing to do, especially if you’ve always wanted children but, quite honestly, once you have come to terms with things you should find that you are able to grasp hold of your life again and take it in a direction that you can be happy with. Fill your time, see your friends and make sure that you’re a part of their lives, and you should find that you are able to be fulfilled and happy.

  3. Julez Fitzmond says

    Something like this is a life changing realisation and a lot of the time you don’t come to terms with it until years after you actually find out. I would say keep yourself busy and don’t let yourself be alone too much. Be with your friends, do what you like to do, take new chances, and you should be able to make a new route.

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