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Finding a partner is not easy when you are childfree

By Vaughan Edwards 

Choosing the childfree life has undoubtedly been the right decision for me. However, like most things in life, it has its own challenges. The biggest one of those challenges in my experience, is finding a partner. Nearly all the women I have met so far invariably say they want children.

Holly Brockwell who has been in the news on many occasions as a result of her well-publicised battle to be sterilised on the NHS, did agree with me when I contacted her that finding a partner when you are childfree isn’t easy. Seeing now that she has successfully managed to find a partner has given me hope that I too will some day find the right person to share my life with.

Lots of people have tried to change my mind about having kids, and I am glad that I have been able to withstand the pressure. It saddens me that people like myself who choose not to have children are still viewed as odd to the extent that some people take it upon themselves to try and make us change our minds. How narrow minded is that, since we all know how difficult parenthood can be.

Recently, after spending time with a couple’s young daughter, they asked me if the experience has made me change my mind about having children of my own. The answer was no of course. Just because I like children and don’t mind being around them doesn’t mean that I want them for myself. People will always try to project their own views onto others. Just because some people cannot imagine their life without children doesn’t mean that everyone feels the same.

I know myself better than anyone, and have understood a long time ago that I would not be able to cope with the everyday challenges of raising a child. I wish many people would put the interests of a child before their own. So many people are having children when it is obvious for all to see that they are not fit to be parents. Yet when people like me who understand the enormity of the challenges that come with raising children decide otherwise, we are criticised for our choice.

Thankfully, the choice not to have children is being talked about more and more, and this is gradually helping change how people like me are viewed by the wider society.

Autism and childlessness

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