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When a childfree person marries someone with children

By Nina Steele 

A user recently commented on an article on this website which asked: “as a childfree person would you ever take on the responsibility of raising someone else’s child if you were asked?” Her personal circumstances show how regardless of our determination to live our lives a certain way, the Universe always has the final say.

She knew from the age of 16 that she never wanted children, however, she is now married to a man with 2 sons. She loves her husband dearly and has a good relationship with her stepsons. That this is not the life she had imagined for herself, means she is torn between conflicting emotions.

I suppose, some may argue that it was her choice to marry a man with children in the first place etc, and although that is true, her situation also shows what we are willing to sacrifice when love comes calling. I recommended Marcia Drut-Davis’ book: ‘Confessions of a Childfree Woman’, as she too knew earlier on that she never wanted children, yet ended up marrying a man with children.

How many of us have found ourselves in situations that we never imagined we would find ourselves in, yet accepted it out of love for someone. It doesn’t have to be only about a partner. The love that we have for family members or friends can also be a catalyst for a major change of course.

Since none of us can predict the future with absolute certainty, we can only hope that things turn out the way we hope they would. But of course in many cases they don’t, and it is up to us to rise up to whatever challenges come our way.

Some of those challenges are well documented in Marcia Drut-Davis’ book. Unlike the lady mentioned above who has a good relationship with her stepsons, Marcia found herself having to deal with the complete opposite scenario. In spite of that, her marriage survived.

Like in any other type of relationship, it is what we are willing to put up with for the sake of love. Yes it would be far easier to meet someone who does not have and does not want children, but as we all know life often isn’t that straight forward.

You might find someone who does not want children, but with whom you have little else in common. On the other hand, you might meet someone who you have a lot in common with, except that they happen to be a parent.

It is up to you to decide which ones of these factors matter to you the most.

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