Ibeji’s Story: The deep fear that I felt when my marriage ended has now made way for a renewed sense of purpose

Childless Nigerian womanMy name is Ibeji, I am from the western part of Nigeria. I am able to put down these words today because my perception has changed about what I once saw as a dead end. When my marriage ended, I thought it was the end of my very existence. I actually didn’t want to face it, I wanted to just disappear. I felt so hopeless and miserable. I was ignorant and I wrongly believed that my life depended on my marriage. And so when I was pushed out of it, it was like, oh my end has come.

At 40 plus, I didn’t believe I had the strength to face what was ahead of me and I was so scared, I mean really scared. I wasn’t prepared for it at all, even when it was staring me in the face and it was so obvious. I simply could not accept it. You see, I didn’t know how I was going to face life alone, without a husband. Besides, this is Africa where it is bad enough being childless, now I had to add a broken marriage to my list of problems.

How was I going to cope with the all the stares, gossips, shame, blame, confrontations… just name it. Yes, they actually came, and much more, but I am glad to say that they are gradually becoming past events. There is a saying that when you forgive and you let go of hurts, you are the one who gets blessed and healed.

It all began when we could not conceive for over 10 years into our marriage. My husband demanded that we separate. He said he could no longer go on with a fruitless marriage, coupled with the fact that age was not on my side. Funny enough, I was never medically found infertile, rather he is the one with some defects which took a lot of money and some years to treat.

We were married for 13 years. 13years of my life for which I have nothing to show for. Even so, I am grateful to God that at least I am alive and still hopeful for the future. My healing and recovery is a work in progress, and I intend to write a follow up article to update the community on how I am getting on.

Even though I feel I was hard done by, I cannot put all the blame on my ex. There were signs there that I should have paid more attention to and acted on. I chose to ignore them and ultimately, I paid a price for it. In spite of all that has happened, I am now able to say with a smile that I am steadily getting past the pain of my loss.

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  1. Hi Ibeji, thanks for sharing your story. I am really delighted to hear that you are making progress. I remember our interactions last year when the pain of your marriage ending was still very raw. At the time, I have to admit that I feared for you. Nigeria being one of the worst places for childless women, I was wondering if you had what it takes to turn your life around. That you have managed to get your life back on track is quite remarkable. I very much look forward to an update on your progress at some stage in the future. As always, do not hesitate to reach out to me should the need arise. Wishing you the very best.

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