Lynette’s Story: The last thing I wanted was to end up a single mother just like my mother

Childfree black coupleThe decision to be childfree isn’t one that I took lightly, particularly as I am from a background where children are celebrated and everyone is expected to have them. As I became a woman I was told by my mother that all the troubles you get raising children are worth it, and that just having them is a joy. The only problem is that I didn’t buy it. Just looking at the parents around me was enough to put me off, since none of them seemed to enjoy the experience. And most of the mothers I knew were single mothers, including my own mother. Why on earth would I choose the same fate for myself?

Thankfully, I met a man who also didn’t want children. Not long after we got married, the questions started coming thick and fast about when we were going to start a family. After a few years, everyone got the message. We are both quite strong minded and so we were able to make people back off. I cannot even imagine what it’s like for people who are easily distracted or take everything to heart.

I don’t understand why people feel that we all have to procreate when there is so much going on in society right now. From where I am standing, being a child today is nothing like when I was growing up. The pressure to be something you aren’t is enormous. The idea of having to raise a child in an environment like that is not something I even wish to contemplate. To be constantly thrown into someone else’s drama is the stuff of nightmare. Many people just don’t seem to understand the challenges that come with being a parent. I honestly believe that there would be fewer people who would choose to be parents if they fully understood what they were letting themselves into.

We are getting on with our life in peace, just the way we both want it to be. Whenever I am asked questions about my choice, I give a straight answer. Some people are taken aback by my honesty, and so they should be. If you ask me a question, you are going to get a straight answer. Why should I lie just because someone may be offended? How am I going to make a difference to the way most people view the childfree if I don’t tell it like it is. How people deal with what I tell them is their problem, not mine.

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Childfree black couple


  1. Hi Lynette, thanks for sharing your story. I like it when you say: “How am I going to make a difference to the way most people view the childfree if I don’t tell it like it is. How people deal with what I tell them is their problem, not mine”. Another person who shared her story did mention the fact that we are not supposed to ask mothers why they chose to have children, yet society thinks it’s ok to ask the childfree why they chose not to have children. Funny how a child’s well-being is not deemed important enough to ask parents questions about their motives, yet people who show a great deal of maturity by saying no, this is not for me, are viewed with suspicion.

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