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Debbie’s Story: I made it clear to my husband that I wasn’t going to change my mind about not having children

Childfree happy white womanI have been enjoying reading all the stories on nonparents.com and have decided it was time to share my own. I am happily married to my childhood sweetheart. We are both in our 30s. Children just isn’t for us. It is a feeling I have felt since a very young age. My husband on the other hand wasn’t sure which way to go at first, then he decided it wasn’t for him either. I didn’t force him to choose the childfree life, instead, I made it clear to him that nothing was going to make me change my mind.

As usual, it is other people who have been offended by our choice. My parents haven’t even tried to understand why I feel the way I do, and my husband too has been probed on his choice. It was quite annoying in the early days, but as we grew older we became more relaxed about the whole situation. These days we don’t even try to justify ourselves. There is nothing to justify. We are adults who have made a decision about the direction we want for our life to go and it is no one else’s business. Period. Just because our parents are older doesn’t mean they know best. And who is anyone to tell us what’s best for us anyway?

Whenever I hear stories of children being abused, I feel angry not only at the parents, but also society as a whole. Parenthood is fetishized wherever in the world you go. Instead of telling people the truth so they can decide for themselves whether it is for them or not, everything is made to look rosy and perfect. No it’s not for everyone and it will make a huge difference if everyone understood that.

One of my friends is a mother of two. Ever since she became a mother, all I hear is complaints about how hard it is to be a parent. She and her husband constantly argue about their kids, and they are always broke too. I remember asking her once why she had a second child when she already knew the challenges after having her first. Her answer was that their first child would have been lonely without a sibling to play with.

If ever my husband and I needed to be reminded why we were right to make the choice we made, it is her. Having children on a whim is not a good idea. There is far too much at stake. It is a decision that will stay with you for the rest of your life. You cannot change your mind once the child arrives. I wish everyone would understand that.

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Comments

  1. Hi Debbie. Thanks for sharing your story. The example of your friend is a typical one I have come across time and time again. People who give you pretty lame answers for their reasons for having children. And then some of these same people have the guts to criticise those who upon taking their times to weigh all the pros and cons, decide not to have children. There is so much unhappiness around these days that many people have been forced to review everything they have been taught about life, including having children. With so much at stake, everyone needs to be absolutely sure that it is a path they want to travel.

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