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Tanya’s Story: I live a peaceful life with my dogs and that’s enough for me

Childless woman with dogsMy marriage ended years ago and I chose not to remarry. I do have male friends I meet for meals and drinks every so often, but I don’t see myself getting into another romantic relationship again. My main focus now is my life with my 2 dogs. They keep me busy and fit. Walking them every day is something I look forward to. Not having children is not a choice I made. It just never happened. The fact that my then husband was never that keen on children in the first place played a part in it, I guess.

Now in my 60s, I don’t regret that it never happened. I didn’t have a very happy childhood myself. My parents were married in name only and it seems that we the children contributed to making things worse. Some marriages are just not strong enough to withstand the many challenges that come with having children. Sadly, parents don’t find out until it’s too late. I am in no doubt that my marriage would have ended even earlier had we had children. Not that it matters now anyway.

I am one those people who doesn’t believe in regrets. What’s the point of it, other than to make you miserable? And frankly, when I see what’s happening in the world right now, I don’t think it would be morally right for me to feel sorry for myself. I live comfortably and have a good life overall, how can I justify feeling sorry for myself?

I find all the stories about people never getting over not having children quite sad, and society has a lot to answer for that. I watch a fair bit of telly and most of the commercials are about families with children. I often wonder who makes those commercials, because it does not reflect real life today. There are many single people around these days yet this is not reflected in commercials.

My advice to all those who cannot get over not having children is to find another purpose in their lives. There are a million other things people can do to make their lives meaningful. What people seem to forget is that even if you had children, they would have left home at some stage, and then what? Fill your life with hobbies and whatever else you enjoy doing. My life is full as it is with my dogs keeping me busy. Not only that, my friends are there whenever I need human contact. You have to make things happen. You cannot expect everything to be handed to you on a plate.

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Comments

  1. Hi Tanya, thanks for sharing your story. I like when you say: “You have to make things happen. You cannot expect everything to be handed to you on a plate”. What a great advice to give people, particularly many among the younger generation, who have come to expect instant gratification for everything they do. With age, one realises that ultimately, things will only happen if we make them happen, and that include being happy. No one becomes happy just because they wish it. We all have to first want it and then work at making it happen. It is a continuous process, because challenges don’t just stop once you become happy. I wish you all the best.

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