By Nina Steele
My honest answer to this is no. Funny enough I don’t envy people with children, even though we cannot have any of our own. Maybe that says something about whether deep down I ever really wanted children and my husband feels the same. How come I went through 9 years of trying to have children, yet I don’t feel a tinge of jealousy or envy every time I see other women with their children. I generally feel indifferent and wish them well. I have read stories of women who are unable to conceive feeling extremely upset and jealous whenever they come across a pregnant woman or women with young children and although I feel sorry that they feel that way, it is not a feeling that I share.
I think that the real reason we wanted children is not so much that we always wanted them and felt passionate about parenthood, instead, the honest answer to why we wanted children and tried for 9 years was more to be in line with society’s idea of a married couple. Indeed both of us were raised with the notion that you got married and then you had children, it is considered the natural thing to do and the conventional way for married couples to progress through life. In a way it is a blessing that both of us felt the way we did, otherwise not being able to have children would have had a far lasting impact on us.
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I often think that it is nice to be around other children, because in a way this is the best of both worlds. Especially if it is a niece or nephew, you get to experience all of the wonderful milestones in their lives without having any of the added stress of being the parent of that child. I do understand how a lot of people might be envious of others though, but often this is only while they are coming to terms with their own situation. In time, life will seem happier again.
I do have quite a fair number of nephews and nieces and so children are never far from my life, although they are not an active part of it.
I’m currently struggling emotionally being around other peoples children or my friends being pregnant. I hope I can get to a point in my life where I am no longer bothered by it, at the moment I really am.
I don’t know if it’s down to quantities or whether it’s because I know these people or maybe for me it’s because it’s not down to my choice.
Two of my friends are pregnant, one due in 2 months time and the other in 3. I also have another friend who gave birth 5 months ago, do I feel jealous? At this moment in time I don’t feel jealous, I feel angry and frustrated that my choice was taken from me.
I do hope I can get to a point where it doesn’t matter and doesn’t bother me.
Hi Lucy, I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with being around other people’s children. I suppose that for many people this is a normal feeling, which will gradually subside and hopefully eventually disappear. Coming to terms with not having children does not happen overnight and most people need time to move on.
I don’t mind most of the time, but I don’t like it when I plan an afternoon out with my friends and they bring their children along. If I plan a nice afternoon out, alone, I like it to stay that way. I have nothing again them, and I love it when I’m invited out to the park or something like that, but when I have a completely different afternoon planned it isn’t great.
It depends how I’m feeling on that day. I will admit that it can be a little bit hard sometimes on the occasions when a friend announces that they are having a baby, because I wish more than anything that I could announce something similar in the future – but it’s completely impossible, unfortunately. I am getting better, though, and once the child is born I’m okay.
You’re bound to find it difficult at those times, because the thought of “that should be me” will be strong. I don’t think it even matters how long passes, that feeling will always occur at least a little bit. It’s brilliant that you’re okay once the babies arrive, as it means that you should be able to enjoy them in your life.